It was the way of the early Sufis to not write about certain things; it was the way of Ibn al-’Arabi to write it all down. I do not want to compare myself to those great people, but I just mention that to say that different people behave differently. I feel the urge to write, and I am inspired also by an unlikely source.
Satsvarupa Dasa Goswami is a Hindu scholar, and a prolific author. I have read some of his books over the years, and benefitted from them in unusual ways. Recently, I read part of his commentary on a Hindu scripture, Bhagavata Purana. One of the things that I like about his writing is that it is plentiful and honest, as if it provides a window into who he is, with all of his complexity. I feel the desire to do just that. I have been writing for myself a lot over the last few years, but recently, I have felt the desire to share my thoughts with others again. I hope that some readers might benefit from something I have written, as the words of so many other writers continue to benefit me. God alone is al-Nafi’, the One who brings benefit, and I seek refuge in Him.
I am not typical, that I know. A Whiteamerican Muslim who loves studying about Hinduism and listening to emo and metal, just to name a few of my characteristics. It all makes sense to me, but it probably doesn’t make sense to many others. Because there are so few occasions in the day to actually share these idiosyncratic thoughts, I turn to writing. Otherwise, I feel I might boil over. How else can I share with you what is in my heart? You can take the time to read what I have written, or not. It is your choice to read, just as it is my choice to write.
I can write nothing without the permission of God, but what I write is subject to God’s judgement. I do not claim to have all the answers or to be above committing error. But I need to write, and I relish feedback, both positive and negative. It is the interplay between the author and the reader that makes writing come alive. When I read Satsvarupa’s books, written for an audience steeped in a religious culture different than my own, I make those books my own by the way in which I appropriate them. I can guarantee you that he did not anticipate someone like myself reading his books, but that is what God has arranged. It is a mixed up and complex world in which we live, and God is the Controller of all of it.
I want to share with people the intimate melodies of my heart
Can you hear Bilal’s cry, “Ahad!”
There is but One we worship, who leads us through the forest of our subjectivities to arrive at the meadow of witnessing
We are trapped in a prison of our selves
But we can share our breaths with each other
And drink in the glimpses we have seen of al-Wasi’ al-Dhahir
Share with me what you have seen
And I will share with you what I have seen
And together we will paint a beautiful corner
Of a canvas with limitless borders
For we too are part of that canvas
Our breaths
Our faces
Our experiences
Witnessed and witnessing
The infinite dance of Being
I know that there are some out there who will be uncomfortable with what I have written. What can I say? I am who God created me to be, and I am struggling to make sense of it all, and live in the best way. If you have some advice, please give it, but I might not take it. Some of it I have already considered and rejected, and some of it I have already adopted. My goal is not to be perfect according to what you think perfection should be. My goal is to understand God, the world, and myself, and to live in harmony with that understanding. If my understanding is incomplete, that should come as no surprise. If my life is not fully in harmony with Truth, that should not be unexpected. I have been, and will always be, a mercy case.
